The Philosophy of Kill Me Baby


In all probability, this anime is steeped with philosophy!

Humanity needs to be fixed. We are corrupted fools, stumbling over our own cesspools of mistakes. Our world is dying as we sit comfortably in our chairs, using air-cons which strangle the planet we live in. And we make grave mistakes and not admit they exist, placing ourselves against each other in unnecessary, brutish conflicts. As a philosopher-journalist-singer, I see little hope for this world.

Yet, that little hope glimmers in the dirt that envelops our world. Fools ignore it, but people like me can see it. And it’s the most magnificent thing I’ve ever found in my whole life.

In JC Staff’s latest dystopic rendition of Japan ala Brave New World, Kill Me Baby places a normal (?) high school girl, Oribe Yasuna, in a hellhole with an assassin named Sonya and Goshiki Agiri, a ninja. Together, they must triumph against all odds to live and see another day.

During their adventures, they learned the following life lessons; I noted them vigorously for they are meaningful and applicable to our own lives, being that this anime is reflective of the disastrous society we live in. I hope this post enlightens other people how to live as a human being in the 21st century.

Never piss off an assassin

Kill Me Baby repeats this simple maxim for good measure: “An assassin has many weapons; to piss him or her off is a bad idea.” Sonya specializes in knife throwing; her uniform hides myriad knives, in case someone attacks her. Therefore, she is prepared to fight wherever she is: let it be school, home, or Comiket.

However, Yasuna, her friend, has no learning ability and loves to annoy her. She is often seen bruised yet alive and well the next day. This has confused many evolutionary scientists studying her (for more information, please read “Does the Existence of Oribe Yasuna Prove the Theory of Evolution is Wrong?: An Analysis of Her Stupidity” by the esteemed Darwinist scientist, Nausicaä Miyazaki).

But readers must be warned that Yasuna is a superhuman being. We are as fragile as glass when compared to Yasuna’s indestructible body. Physiologist Nadia la Arwall argue in “The Chromosomes of Oribe Yasuna: An Extraordinary Species that Defy Darwinian Thought” that “the normal mental capacity has been used up for physical injury recovery; her chromosomes #20 and #23 show a subtle mutation that gives this extraordinary effect to this remarkable being. As of yet, the results of our findings have not been replicated to this date…”

And thus, we must understand that Yasuna is different from us. Instead, we need to not follow Yasuna’s idiocy; we must take care of our precious lives as assassins are willing to take away them without mercy. What our parents have given to us — our lives — cannot be replaced by anything in this universe.

Should anyone not take this lesson with them, their mistakes may result in death. To make my point, I shall use a following anecdotal poem from A Normal Assassin’s Diary:

He called me his buddy,
But I hated him.
His death was grim
And pretty funny.
He’s now my bunny.


Ninjas scam people

Following in the footsteps of David Fincher’s adaptation of Fight Club, Yamakawa Yoshiki, the director, emphasizes the outrage over reckless consumerism and the Japanese-branded ‘capitalism’ in the anime adaptation more than in the actual manga itself.

Goshiki Agiri is a ninja who scams characters into buying worthless products. Despite harboring actual ninjitsu techniques, she often uses fake techniques to dupe the buyer into thinking her products are legitimate. She is, of course, a symbol of zaibatsus in Japan; these are gigantic corporations sponsored by the government. Instead of supporting capitalism, these greedy machines suck up people’s money through taxes, subsidies, and consumerism. That sounds like socialism. Ninjas are socialist bastards.

I’ve always been skeptical with ninjas anyway. These shady businessmen think they are so high and mighty they probably have fun taking our money away. As a journalist, I find it despicable that ninjas are filled with secrets; they hide the truth as if it’s their job. What are they: spies? And apparently, they kill people to quiet them down. Isn’t transparency the most vital aspect to a democracy?

I corresponded with a ninja and this is what she has to say:

“Yes, it is true: we are socialists pigs reared in the USSR before the fall of the Berlin Wall and will conquer the world through our ninjitsu-styled Koizumi Yen bills. Later, we’ll meet with Goldfinger and Dr. No to find ways to kill that son of a bitch named James Bond. Right now, we are secretly flying to our lunar base so we can nuke the entire world with our missiles — no, scratch that — socialist missiles made in China! Ninjas are symbols of socialism, indeed; you obviously didn’t even have to time to read what we were on Wikipedia, you fucking paranoid conspiracy theorist. Go kill yourself; I will gladly assist you if you need help.”

Since she said she is a ‘socialist pig’, I’ll take her word on it. And since ninjas aren’t technically assassins (they’re socialists), I can piss her off anytime I want.

The best diplomacy is violence

When negotiations fail, Kill Me Baby argues, “We should have fought them in the first place.”

Both Sonja and Agiri refuse to back down. If they think they can fight, they will fight despite the peacefulness of the setting. Sonja is more than willing to shut Yasuna up by committing acts of violence towards the poor little girl; Agiri ignores conventions and attacks enemies when they are not ready. Their style is akin to guerilla-styled warfare: when someone knocks on the door, let a gun answer.

This warmongering tactic has been utilized in many successful wars, that is in the Advance Wars franchise.

When a player plays Bean Island against the computer in any of the Advance Wars games, the first thing to do is not to waste a turn building APCs or whatnot; you have to build three infantry units. Then, depending on your style and Commanding Officer, you bring in some more infantries, scouts, and mechs. Get some rocket units and station them at the city beside the mountain. If you do this right, the computer should be in the midst of taking control of cities when you are prepared to do some quick jabs at them. Since the computer’s units are too few, they cannot double-task and therefore will easily succumb to your forces.

You have to be overtly aggressive and never drop that level or you will lose; giving the computer one tiny bit of space will allow it to take control of the game. Use this strategy well and I believe you will succeed.

This war strategy is brought to you by the JC Staff anime, Kill Me Baby.

“What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger”

In the song, philosopher Kelly Clarkson repeats the Nietzscheian mantra to tell us a simple fact: if you survive through your obstacles, you will become stronger in any sense of the word.

We see character development in Yasuna; her character never dies and recovers almost immediately. This is, in fact, what some writers call: “godly character development.”

Suppose Nietzsche’s claim that Gott ist tot, or ‘God is dead’, is a calling for someone superior to take over — a leader of some sort to lead us into supremacy: Kill Me Baby suggests Yasuna will take control of the world alongside her companions, Sonja and Agiri. It seems plausible: Kill Me Baby is after all deep and philosophical enough to forecast a future. The writers at JC Staff and the mangaka have been known to be fans of philosophy.

I can envision the world turning chaotic after Yasuna has conquered the world. More people will serve under Sonja and Agiri. Anyone who opposes them will surely die as Yasuna has seen death’s face more times than anyone can count.

You, the reader, should immediately serve under the House of Oribe. I suggest contacting us as soon as possible before it is too late; I am currently their wakagashira. We have contacted socialist pigs, including those pesky ninjas in the lunar base, to aim our made-in-China missiles towards Earth. We promise your patronization will be worth it.

But for now, Yasuna still needs to grow; the world hasn’t accepted our beliefs yet. So instead, we shall sing. Bring in the choir; bring in the 90s jazz band; and most importantly, bring in our messiah: Oribe Yasuna!

She shall help us achieve world peace in this godforsaken world. Is everybody ready? Together then, my friends: let us sing!

Young girl, like a cruel angel’s thesis,
Live up to be a legend…

These blog posts made me a philosopher:

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About Kastel

My panache feels very hard.

3 responses to “The Philosophy of Kill Me Baby”

  1. skyhack says :

    Next – “Excel Saga, a Study in Existentialism”

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