Shinning Terribad Reviews: T-This is My First Time… P-Please Be Gentle…


Whispers one MyAnimeList reviewer. She looks up at me with her teary eyes; her body is petite, but her bosom is well-developed. Her hair is blonde and covers her blushing face.

She comes closer to me; I swallow a bit of saliva. It’s a bit too tense. But something is odd with that request; so I asked her why.


No.

I’m not sure why a ton of reviewers write their first reviews as if they are having sex for the first time. For some reason, this happens more in MAL. Sure, other websites have this problem, but this virus is more rampant there. It’s an epidemic that pisses me off.

I don’t get these reviews; they’re asking for a downvote. Nobody cares. Reviewers should grow up and figure it out that people treat first reviews the same way as any other review. Welcome to the internets.

Akarin also says, “GTFO NOOB.”

This is why I dedicate my first Shinning Terribad post to these writers who need this lesson. Enjoy~

#1: Vanilla Ice Cream


Username: ThatSnowman
Subject: Beezlebub
Episodes seen: 60 of 60 episodes seen
Rating: 9/10
Found on: MyAnimeList

This is my first review so don’t hurt me

What a good way to start: I feel like I’m reading a sex scene in a terrible eroge. I hope it gets even hotter.

Story: The story is unique in it’s own way. There are a few fillers thrown in but still very enjoyable.

Ugh, it’s just vanilla. Boring. Oh well, I wanted something kinkier. Let’s dissect this section a bit more:

1. it’s = its. Common mistake.
2. “Unique in it’s own way” isn’t cutting it for me. Explain why Beezlebub has a unique style of storyline.
3. Enjoyable filler is a tough concept for people with developed brains to follow. You must explain.

Characters are funny and are well developed.
-A baby Which is the next demon lord!
-A man who cares less for his fellow man
-An old man with a moustache who is like a girl
-A perverted guy that is…… odd
-A maid servant
-A bunch of characters who will make you laugh


What the fuck did I just read.

Why — Why did you write your review in bullet points? Did you just capitalize “which” for no reason? Is “fellow man” lingo for penis (because if it does, it makes a lot of sense)? How is an “old man with a moustache who is like a girl” a “well developed” character? Has a “perverted guy” never been odd to you?

What the hell is a “maid servant”? Oh, do you mean…

Just came back from “maid research”.

Anyway, I find this reviewer’s state of mind more intriguing than the anime.

Art: The characters could have been drawn better, but it still matched the overall theme.

Sound: They picked odd music for the openings and ending, but it went great with the anime.

This kills me. I have never seen lazier writing until now. If Justin lets me write music reviews like these, I’ll be so happy. You don’t have to critique off-model art nor the instruments conveying tone changes — just say, “It fits nicely.” I like that job.

Oh, MAL reviewers. Why are you so cute~

Overall: The time i spent watching it was well worth it, and if you give it a shot i’m sure you will you like it as well.
Now then, as from a funny ending in this…. “BiBiBiBiBiBi Don’t touch me”

Touch? This review has been ravished by Trollkastel.

Suggested Improvements:

  • Nobody cares if it’s your first review. It’s a waste of space; take it out.
  • Explanations don’t exist in your review. You have to explain.
  • If you don’t have an opinion on Art and Sound, don’t write about them. Seriously.

#2: A Hemingway Daiquiri, please


Username: necomimi
Subject: Ouji to Majo to Himegimi to
Chapters read: 6 of ? chapters read
Rating: 9/10
Found on: MyAnimeList

Okay,first review!

Off,to a good start!

In my opinion,I would have to say that this manga is terrific. I love the plot of it and the feel of the story.The art work is done extremely nicely.This is an awesome manga that I highly recommend.

Punctuation doesn’t exist,but spacing does.We just entered a new dimension.By the way, what is the feel of the story?Do you mean,”atmosphere”?Also,”extremely nicely” doesn’t even sound fucking right.Take out any of the adverbs.

Story-9 ( A great,original storyline)
art-10 (Beautifully done art work)
character-9 (I love the distinct personalities of the characters)
enjoyment-10 ( I love reading this,It is very entertaining)

Hemingway finds this writing too minimal,It is very bad.

overall-9 (I’ve got to say,this is one of the best manga I have read to date)

Short reviews are perfect extremely nicely.

Suggested Improvements:

  • Work on grammar and punctuation.
  • Needs explanation. If not, don’t review; just rate.
  • Read your darn review out loud. You’ll find fascinating errors.

#3: IRON STOMACH


Username: The1Fox1
Subject: Elfen Lied
Episodes seen: 13 of 13 episodes seen
Rating: 9/10
Found on: MyAnimeList

This is my first review ever not just on this site but on any kind of online website

Welcome to the internets. On the top left corner, there is a menu called “Profile”. We strongly advise you to hover your mouse onto the profile and press “Logout”.

Have a good stay!

Well i’ll explain it to you how i’ve explained it to all my friends:

Second sentence of review. Okay… Moving on…

First off if you have a weak stomach, Don’t Watch, it’s blood and guts Galore with enough violence and gore to make hell feel like a nice picnic spot.

Must not laugh.

I really don’t think any anime can ever match up to this one in terms of violence, at least neither i or ANY of my friends (most of whom have watched a lot more anime than i have) have found an anime that rivals Elfen Lied.

Higurashi, Mirai Nikki, Cossette no Shouzou

side note that has nothing to do with the review—
IRON STOMACH CHALLENGE: my friend came up with this and so far he’s the only one out of four to accomplish it, try to eat pasta , like spaghetti with chunky red sauce and some meat (if a vegatarian: provide a substitute)


This may be the best review I’ve ever seen.

Anyways, Second thing is if you don’t like sad anime’s, Don’t Watch, Basically the point of this anime is to make you feel depressed as shit, and ashamed to be a human (you think Diclonus children chopping people up is sad, wait till you see the sick pieces of scum that torture them) this show brings out some of the darkest sides to human nature, including moral dilema of whether a child can be evil (beating a puppy to death with a vase for amusement T.T).

I’m crying from this greatness of a review. Please tell me more!

So if you’ve read everything above you’re probably thinking WHO THE HELL WOULD WTCH THIS SHOW!!! well i would and i would rewatch it and recommend it to everybody who think they wouldn’t puke during the show. This show is dark and gritty and if you even get the slightest bit emotionally attached to the characters you will cry. This anime has so many great beautiful things about it.

In summary: he recommends it to people who think they will not puke in this show. I find this a fantastic criteria for anyone trying to read 95% of MAL reviews. Also, if you get emotionally attached, you will cry; it is as insightful as finding out that war does kill people.

This ends the intro. And yes, there’s still more “great beautiful things”. However, I do not have space for these “great beautiful things” so I’ll just be “breif”. If you want to read the whole thing, you can always read the original “great beautiful thing”~

Art- i’ll be breif, i can’t judge this since art style doesn’t matter much to me in anime, idc if it’s genaric or original just as long as it looks crisp and Elfen Lied does that.

Breifly, his post isn’t original and i can safely say its genaric, idc what he thinks as long as it looks “crisp” and his post does that.

You will cry for these characters that have to suffer so much, you will be astounded by an amazing plot and be hypnotized with it’s beautiful Melody.


Clunky sentences are so not amazingly nicely. Reading it out loud tortures your tongue as if it’s going to a place worse than hell, a picnic area. A suggestion:

“You will cry for these poor characters; be astounded by its plot; and get hypnotized by the music.”

If semi-colons aren’t your thing, commas will suffice.

Now just watch it, if you took the time to read this then i ask that you just give it a shot, this anime may not be for everyone, but for those that it is, it will touch your heart ^_^

Okay, I was wrong: he recommends it to people who think they won’t puke and allow a bullet through their body to “touch” their hearts.

Suggested Improvements:

  • None. Your review is so bad it’s good; why bother fixing it?

Oh my god,

I have to read more of this crap. Someone save me.

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About Kastel

My panache feels very hard.

9 responses to “Shinning Terribad Reviews: T-This is My First Time… P-Please Be Gentle…”

  1. TPAB~ says :

    I can eat chunky spaghetti while watching Elfen Lied. XD I even tried it while watching Night Shift Nurses and Kemonozume.

    You certainly enjoyed your previous review bashing. XD This one made me lol.
    “this is my first time, don’t hurt me.” best line ever. haha.

    • Trollkastel says :

      > Night Shift Nurses
      What.

      • TPAB~ says :

        i was referring to the post before this. the one with yuru yuri 2 dude. XD

      • Trollkastel says :

        That new post of yours — you lost me.

        I know what Night Shift Nurses is. I was actually astounded people knew about that hilarious hentai.

        I’m not sure how Bokenasu98 the Great has anything to do with the post.

      • TPAB~ says :

        you just said “what”. i though you were referring to the second sentence i made. gomen. misunderstanding.

        hey, night shift nurses is awesome. i will never look at soft boiled eggs he same ever again.

  2. Whimper says :

    Could you cover this “Sorry for my English, I’m from XYZ, bare with me” type in next post? I may even give you examples, though I’m sure you know plenty. It’s just… well… May I rant in the comment? Because the sheer arrogance of such attitude is something almost incomprehensible to me. “English isn’t my first language” – well, it haven’t stopped billions of people, including Joseph Conrad, from mastering it, right? And if reviewer isn’t one of them, then why do he feels the need to PUBLISH his thoughts in English (profiles and comments are different matter)? and, of course, the mother of all questions: why should we care? apparently, he didn’t care enough.

    It’s especially pissing off, when somebody is making mistakes, which could be easily avoided by casting “SpellCheck” charm on review.

    And yet, this people know their English is poor and still write a long [theoretically], complex [theoretically] form of opinion in it. And they have the (pardon my French) balls to apologise, which makes it even worse, because it’s hard to imagine a more meaningless, empty apology. W.h.y?

    • Whimper says :

      “May I rant in the comment?” Oh, well, in the end, that was pretty empty, meaningless question, I guess. ; – ) I didn’t realise my comment is getting that long. I’m really sorry if it bothered you.

      • Trollkastel says :

        I speak for the whole of aniblogging: comments are fun to read so don’t worry. In fact, I encourage readers to comment more. Whether short or long, comments make sure we are being read. And that we gather a feeling of who the audience is.

        My first language isn’t English so I find it disgusting for people to use “no speak english” as an excuse. You should have a good ride with my next post.

    • Trollkastel says :

      H-How did you know I was going to write about that next?
      r u a magician

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