Shinning Terribad Reviews: An Intereview with a Vampire

[This is written under the form of an Intereview. Why? Far more amusing.

I’m pretty sure this is misspelled intentionally. This means I’m in for an “amusing” ride.

An Intereview with a Vampire

Username: Anim8rDude
Subject: Nisemonogatari
Episodes seen: 11 of 11 episodes seen
Rating: 8/10
Found on: MyAnimeList

Other Notes: Every time you see a dash, it indicates the interviewer is speaking. Anything without a dash is the interviewee. This is how the review was formatted. Seriously.

– WELL, Anim8rDude, why don’t we start off with the question that’s been bouncing around for quite some time.

Wait, who the hell’s speaking? God? Oh dear, I hate metaphysics. People should read Wittgenstein.

Is Nisemonogatari actually… good? 0.0 –

Yes, professional interviews use emoticons. And no, I disapprove of your writing style.

*Chuckles* I suppose that question was inevitable after all.

A fundamental question of philosophy: “Is Nisemonogatari good?”

For quite some time now, or perhaps ever since the show started, it seems like the situation has been that Nisemonogatari is either better or worst than its previous season.

Damn, what a long sentence. I can shorten it up easily:

“It seems that people either love the sequel or hate it.”

Look at how clean it is.

That’s entirely up to the viewers to decide that.

Wow, a review that admits it can’t persuade people.


I like honesty.

However, there are also people who believe that Nisemonogatari is NOTHING like its predecessor.

Goddammit, your first paragraph (ignoring the interviewer and notes) is about people and not you. I don’t care about what other people think; if I need to do that, I’ll read other reviews. If you must write about it, at least make it into one sentence.

– Really? Nothing like its predecessor? Is that true? T_T –

Supposing the interviewer is the reader (and not a metaphysical creature), wouldn’t this dialog sound demeaning?

Let me explain: the interviewer has not watched the show. Like a self-insert fic, the reader projects his or her image into the interviewer character. The interviewer is asking really retarded questions, almost naiver than Osaka from Azumanga Daioh.

I can see such a format working not in MyAnimeList reviews but in a blog. And you need to make the interviewer a whole lot smarter.

This review is fascinating because it unwittingly looks down on the audience; it treats them as children.

*Smirks* BAH! That part is all lies! We got SHAFT’s amazing art… I mean animation at work.

Smirking and shouting “Bah” don’t work together. You see: nobody smirks and shouts at the same time. And the connotations behind those words are different. Can you imagine someone orgasming and suddenly saying, “Shit, I forgot my passport at the airport lounge!”

That totally did not happen to me at all.

We got conversations that serve no purpose.
The familiar pointless debates.

I don’t like to barge in the content of a review because a content mistake is only funny to someone who watched it. However, I like to correct this silly mistake:

Bakemonogatari and Nisemonogatari have rapid conversations that serve a purpose. All of them tie in together to represent a theme in an arc. Sure, they may just be witty jabs at the air, but they also tell us a thing or two about the characters.

This is called critical reading. Use it.

The all too similar camera angles.

Yes, let’s not explain Shafty angles because everybody knows them.

Not to mention, glimpses of women tilting or turning (heck, sometimes a combination of both) their heads.


Sorry to ruin your fun, but Arararararagi-kun also does the Shaft head tilt as well; everyone in a Shaft anime directed by Shinbo does. In fact, I’m amazed no characters have broken their necks yet.

I’m going to be honest with you; Nisemonogatari feels like Bakemonogatari at heart.

Because they’re from the same series.

Sure, you might not get the same content, but you definitely feel the same vibe. I know I enjoyed it!

> I know I enjoyed it!
Nobody gives a fuck~

– SO, you’re saying that SHAFT’s latest production should appeal to those who have watched the previous season? :/

Why capitalize “SO” :/

Not only that, but it should equally appeal to those unfamiliar with the series.

Yes, but it should also appeal to those unfamiliar with the series.”

Also:

WHAT
WHO WATCHES THE SECOND SEASON OF A WORK WITHOUT THE FIRST?!

I’m sure that everybody at least watched the first episode because of the anime’s strangeness & uniqueness, whether you were familiar with ‘gatari or not.

This sentence makes no sense because the noun, “everybody”, is left hanging. Also, it should be “anybody” because not everyone watched the show. I infer the writer means:

Anybody who watched at least the first episode will like the anime’s strangeness and uniqueness regardless whether you are familiar with the ‘gatari series or not.”

Still a batshit insane sentence if you ask me.

*Laughs*

*Cries*

WELL, that doesn’t apply to everybody though.

Fine sir, you just created a contradiction.

I know I”LL watch any show that does 4 different camera angles per second!
*Looks at Mawaru Penguindrum folder*Laughs again*

You’re better at giving me “five terribad sentences per second.”

And please do not mention another good anime in your review 😥

When you think about it, “appeal” IS the perfect word to describe Nisemonogatari. You watch it, & it’s either you like it or don’t; it’s really up to you.

Appeal is a word with positive connotations; I believe you mean, “polarizing”. But hell, he thought intereviews is a real word so what the hell.

– One thing I’ve heard is that there’s somewhat of a story this time around. :0 –

I’ll let a fan of Nisemonogatari troll for me.

Ya… you see, it’s not like the story evolved that much. *Smiles* If Nisemonogatari were to be rated for its story alone… it would probably get a 5. WHICH, is why it should be judged that way! Like Bakemonogatari, most of the anime is dialogue-driven. Because of this reason, it’s rather hard to explain how the story progresses without saying “Araragi talks the bad people away”! *laughs*

Good god, what the hell is he saying? Is he saying that story is separate from dialog? I’m pretty sure dialog can be a central part of story; if not, every thespian that specializes in monologues will cry…

I’m one of those thespians ;_;

But don’t get me wrong, these conversations are enjoyable from beginning to end, even when they do not contribute to the plot. Like who knew that sprinkling the word “courage” makes everything sound more positive?

Whoever is still reading this shitfest: you have courage.

– I don’t know, DOES it? –

Yes, your review is something out of Fear Factor.

The courage to answer your question!

And this sentence fragment makes no sense.

– (Hmm… Not bad. Normally, you would just answer a question, but by tacking on the word ‘courage’ makes it seems like there’s a certain risk involved) –

Your metajokes are terribad. I hate this review.

– ANYWAY, if the story is nothing spectacular, then I’m guessing there’s lots of emphasis on the Characters. –

GODDAMMIT, this review is shinning Gold!

Indeed. It’s the characters’ interactions that make this Anime as satisfying as it is.

This is a review that’s supposed to be taken seriously, right?

Or to be more specific, Araragi’s interactions with all the characters.
*Chuckles*

*Platinum Mad*

Araragi acts like a ‘perverted gentleman’ around an elementary school but feels slightly uneasy around his own girlfriend Senjougahara.

Someone, bite his tongue. How in the world did you forget to write, “girl”? Also, what the hell is a ‘perverted gentleman’? And since there are three characters under the Araragi name, use their first names to differentiate.

That said, Karen/Hitagi sounds pretty hot.

Koyomi acts more like a pervert around an elementary school girl. However, he feels uneasy with his own girlfriend Hitagi.”

Acts relatively sane around Shinobu but gets turned on by his own sisters.

Clearly, you have not watched enough Anime.

Gives Kaiki the cold shoulder but then goes happy-go-lucky with Kanbaru.

How does one go happy-go-lucky with someone else? It sounds like a sex move to me. I’d do her anytime~

Debates whether the stranger one is on top of the mailbox, or the one on his sister’s back.

Debates whether this writer can understand proper grammar or not.

Araragi is quite the odd *mumbles* (and disturbing) character, but he is also one of the most humorous and entertaining ones I’ve ever met. *smiles*

No, you did not meet him. He’s a fictional character. And stop putting emoticons inside your review; it’s freaking annoying.


Goddammit, this review is long.

– Interesting… now on with the Visuals. At the beginning of the intereview, you almost called Nisemonogatari “art”. –

WHAT
HOW LONG IS THIS REVIEW

Sorry! I bit my tongue.

You are not even using the joke correctly 😥

– No, you did it deliberately. –

AGAIN YOURE USING IT WRONG

*Laughs* WELL, what can I say? I truly love SHAFT’s animation, and this is no exception. Not only are the characters & environments colorful, vibrant and expertly well drawn, but they are also very creative, hence the “art” part.

Characters are colorful. Yes, I can imagine that.

> expertly well drawn
Why, redundancy is an “art” form as well.

No one understands why there’s red ladders in the living room, but it JUST looks good there.

What’s critical reading?

Yozoru hoping across ‘artsy’ architectures. Nisemonogatari’s second opening is an infinite labyrinth for your eyes. SHAFT knows no end to their art… animation.

This review knows no end either to its absurd length and misinformation.

– Sound? –

OH GOOD GOD
WHY ARE YOU ENCROACHING INTO MY TERRITORY

*Strokes chin* Slightly hard to comment on the sound. Although I didn’t find anything appealing soundtrack-wise, everything was nicely composed.

STROKING CHINS ARE YOU CONFUCIUS OR CONFUSED

Why do people review the music department if they in reality can’t?

Even if they weren’t memorable, I did notice that everytime a music piece started playing, it matched the current situation.

Everytime is not a word. And what a weak explanation.

Seriously, anyone trying to review the sound department in MAL without a single clue should just die.

However, I don’t think I’m going to forget Kaiki’s theme anytime soon. *smirks*

So what? Why is it memorable? Why? WHY

Voice acting was also very well done, and I for sure am (also) not going to forget Hiroshi’s/Araragi’s yell.

> was also very well done
Terrifying steak.

You know? The 2nd epsiode with Kanbaru?

Congratulations, you can’t spell-check~

“KIIIIAAAA! KIIIIIAAAAA!” *laughs*

FUCKING GRAPES
GYABO THIS SHIT

– The way you talk about Nisemonogatari makes it seem like its almost perfect. If that’s the case, why the overall score of 8? O.o –

Because he can’t review.

*Waves arms side to side* NONONonono! Don’t get me wrong! It’s not because of the “echiness” that everybody seems to mention as a disadvantage. SHAFT is just adopting Nisemonogatari from the light novel, so it’s not like they can avoid the “echi” moments. They just make them more… interesting.

I believe you are answering a completely different question. And it’s “ecchi” and “adapt”.

Why are you so Hadenalicious?

The overall of 8 boils down to the story, which affected the characters, WHICH affected my overall enjoyment of the show (although SHAFT can’t change the story too much either).

What a delicious grape, which involves run-on sentences, WHICH affects readability.

To put it bluntly, the conversation were interesting, but not AS interesting as Bakemonogatari.

A terribad review needs no explanations!

Bakemonogatari was more ” episodic”, which means we had several different types of situations & settings. Because of this, SHAFT had a lot more freedom to create jokes, puns & humorous dialogue out of.

Good god, read the light novel. It’s written like that!

Please research your subject ;_;

Needless to mention, it also had more Araragi & Senjougahara conversations, which were always sadistically funny.

Humor cannot be sadistic; it can be sardonic. Oh wait, “intereviews” is a word to him.
My bad.

Nisemonogatari, however, had less to jungle with. It’s as simple as that.

> jungle with
A pro-deforestation argument can be made right here, right now.

– WELL, I think we covered just about every point. –

I HOPE SO! Your review is so long I can’t place another review into this post.

Ya, I guess we did, I said, with a posed look.

“I hate this review and the world,” I said with a posed look.

– Last but not least; You recommend Nisemonogatari? –

Last but not least; You hate English?

Of course I do. Definitely something I recommend for those familiar and/or unfamiliar with the series. *Nods head*


YOU SAID THAT IN THE BEGINNING WHY REPEAT

– Toothbrush scene. >:) –

Congratulations, because you mentioned it in this terribad review, I cannot fap to it anymore.

Shut up. I bet no one realized the roadrunner reference straight after. *Lowers eyebrows*

Um, people did.

-Wait, you’re reviewing Nisemonogatari BEFORE Bakemonogatari? –
SHHHHHHH! You’re not supposed to tell them that! *sad face* D:

Thank goodness this writer didn’t.

Suggested Improvements:

  • Haha, good one.
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About Kastel

My panache feels very hard.

11 responses to “Shinning Terribad Reviews: An Intereview with a Vampire”

  1. darkness447 says :

    Reblogged this on Just my guilty pleasure reblog. and commented:
    This was… interesting..

  2. Adair says :

    Why was this so fucking long?

    I’ll admit, it is actually possible to make an interview-style review witty and interesting. But this was clearly not it.

    Also, shouldn’t “naiver” be “more naive”? Just nitpicking though. Great post, as usual.

  3. Sakurei says :

    Well, that was…a horrible read. God, that was a long, terribad review. Let’s hope he will never write an interview-review again. Or a review. That said, “interview” is a word, isn’t it? :v the e in the middle makes it a simple typo, I’d say. everyone spells a wrod or two wrong (or a hundred), so nitpicking on that mistake seems…not nice :v

    • Trollkastel says :

      On his Level-E review, he also wrote “intereview”.

      Which means it’s either intentional or he’s really stupid.

      • Adair says :

        On his equally intelligent “About Me”, it says that intereview is “a clever portmanteau of interview and review” that he made up.

        So yeah, it’s intentional but he’s also just stupid.

  4. Explodinglemons says :

    -_-Well that review ruined my day 😡

    -Did it really ruin your day? ;P ^_^ *chuckle*

    -Yes. Yes it did.

  5. eternia says :

    It’s… freaking long!
    What a brain-dead crazy person.
    I don’t think it gives any useful information to the readers, either.
    It’s just a stupid banter of the writer and his imaginary interviewer.
    I am going to read his Level E review now.

  6. Vegard20 says :

    Terrible reviews are terribly amusing.

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