Shinning Terribad Fanfics: Neon Genesis Equestria
Neon Genesis Evangelion x My Little Pony. Just as planned.
Neon Genesis Equestria
Subject(s): Neon Genesis Evangelion x My Little Pony
Author’s Description: Hikari Shinji have a weird dreams about a purple unicorn, It was premonition that he shall embrace his destiny, by making friend. – English was not my mother language, I’m sorry if it not very good. Very-very sorry.
Found on: Fanfiction.net
Other Notes: He usually writes in Bahasa Indonesia.
Our story starts with a disclaimer, a common feature in FanFiction.net (which I find annoying):
Disclaimer : My Little Pony : Friendship is Magic and character belong to Hasbro and Neon Genesis Evangelion and character belong to Gainax. This is just fanfic.
#English was not my mother tongue, soo maybe there are lots of mistake. But I try. . chapter one Shinji met twi.
Colons are spaced out : for : some : reason. And the word, “character”, should be in its plural form.
The fascinating thing with these type of writers is that they seem to not realize good writing requires a good grasp of English.
That said, this is a NGE x MLP fanfic.
“Disclaimer: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and its characters belong to Hasbro, Inc. Neon Genesis Evangelion and its characters belong to Studio Gainax. This is just a fanfic.”
I don’t mind fanfiction being shortened to fanfic.
CHAPTER ONE : THE BOY AND A PONY
I can smell badassery from the title.
Only in FF.net~
“Hi,why Are you alone?”
The first paragraph of the work is a work of art. However, it loses to the next paragraph:
Says somebody in mist dark of this world, the voice was quite soothing and warm. The owner of the voice speak to a boy, who were cry in the midst of this dark cold world. The boy gaze thru the sky, searching for the owner of the voice but he couldn’t find it. He only find emptiness.
Isn’t it beautiful? It is almost untouchable — almost a work of art by an Old Master. Can anyone not notice that the first sentence has two errors (i.e. “Says somebody” and clauses mix-up)? And let us not forget how the next sentence complements the beauty with a tense error (‘is crying’ instead of ‘were cry’). Mirroring Evangelion‘s existentialism, the writer goes for a similar yet strongly passionate pastiche of a sentence: “He only find emptiness.”
Philosophical thinking requires a good smoke~
Can Jean-Paul Satre ever match up to such thoughts? If only he can write such touching sentences like the following sentences:
Why he is alone? The Boy couldn’t answer the question, simply because the boy doesn’t know the answer. An answer that always haunting him day and night. In his mind he start to learn the obvious, maybe that the way the reality works.
Ah, such beauty! A beauty that always haunting me day and night! Usually, a good writer will have written like: “A beauty that haunts me day and night.” It’s a poignant sentence fragment that develops and stirs emotion in your mind. However, the writer goes for a delicious grape, making that sentiment look stupid as fuck~
“Why are you alone? Don’t you have a friend?” the voice.
Friend? What a strange word. He know some people of his age? But can they call them a friend. Something in his heart answer no. No. NO! He dont have a friend.
Subtlety is overrated; friendship is magic.
He even don’t understand the concept, of being a friend, of others. He want to understand but the dark of the world hinder him to understand. It like a dark deep mist in which he cant breath.
Like a dark, deep mist, this fanfiction suffocating.
Sure because the obvious reason, to himself man is alone.
What is a fanfic writer, but a miserable pile of grapes?
“Who is your name?”
The boy answer, “Shinji, Ikari Shinji..”
Eh, you wrote Hikari Shinji at the description. Be consistent with your bad writing, kthx.
The owner of the voice tell him “My name Twilight Sparkle, you have a task to do..”
“You must make friends.”
Neon Genesis Persona: Friendship is Magic
Should have combined both sentences since they’re from the same person and the dialog’s not too long.
“The owner of the voice says, “My name is Twilight Sparkle. You have a task to do: You must make friends.”
Man, this shit is amazing.
What a strange dream the boy have before he get a letter from his father. A pony who are a unicorn speak to him.
Dude, what is Shinji on? Suddenly drifting into a dream while reading a letter — that must be a good drug.
Maybe he too much watch a late night anime, thou speaking pony is quite strange even for a late anime standard.
Ah, late night anime. That’s a good one to smoke.
He ever see a Potato fighting an octopuses woman.
If this anime is real, please post the MAL link to the comment section. Sounds like a great anime!
It seems that Shinji has put it off as just a wacky dream. If you have watched Evangelion‘s first episode, then you will have no problems following the plotline; this fanfic is merely a retelling of the first episode in a grape salad.
Shinji is waiting for Misato to pick her up. He thinks about how rarely his father visited him; this is because he worked for NERV, which —
exists to protect the world, if Shinji doesn’t know better, he will think that his father now is working very hard for the planet. Working very hard.
Because of that, they seldom met, no letter, no call, no news.
I, the writer, am working very hard for this blog. Working very hard. Because of that, I can’t go to Fakku, no fap, no enjoyment, no Watashi h-doujinshi.
The boy has wait for more than half an hour now, no body comes. But he has guess it. Maybe the letter was a lie. He never want the boy back then, why must his father want the boy now.
Nobody wanted this fanfic, why must this writer write this fanfic.
And then a glimpse of rainbow colored unicorn.. with blue haired girl..
OMFG FURRY ALERT
Shinji can’t believe he’s becoming a furry either so he rubbed his eyes. The pony disappeared. I fear for his infected mind. Enter Misato, whose character is derailed:
“I am Misato Katsuragi, you can call me Misato. Don’t be to formal I’m sorry bit late, everybody bussy right now, but I don’t want random employee to pick up a pilot.”
Somehow, this cool feminist character has turned to Paris Hilton.
Shinji frowns when he realizes something is up. Misato tells him, “We have no time, come on get into the car.” He gets into the car.
When they riding to the NERV headquarter, the boy look few helicopter fly to the south. It is military helicopter. That is the Defense Force chopper, it means that something happen in the south of the city.
Awkward sentences and tense errors are crawful. What’s with the need to write “the boy”?
“As Misato drives the car to the NERV headquarter, Shinji sees a few helicopters flying to the south. Those are defense force choppers! Something’s happening there.”
This is of course alluding to Sachiel’s attack on Tokyo-3. Not that he ever tells you except in the end — the strict adherence to Shinji’s perspective is frustrating since there are other huge events popping up outside his view.
But who gives a damn about being faithful to the source? Let’s talk about Misato’s driving!
The boy think that she mistake a Toyota to a F1 racing car, or even a roller coaster. The sweet scent from his parfum doesn’t help either.
Toyotas are like F1 racing cars. Have you not watched PES: Peace Eco Smile?
And yes, the writer mixed ‘him/her’, a grade-schooler mistake.
Despite the chaotic driving, Shinji ponders some more. Why will his dad suddenly send him a letter? With his great detective powers,
The boy know, its kind of a trick.
You know, magic tricks.
When all hope seem gone, comes that letter. Maybe, maybe this time. That thought spinning inside of his head. But then, if The boy doesn’t know better about his Father, he will believe such thing.
What a great way to botch the awkward father-son relationship, writer! Just write nonsense and it will look pretty by itself~
Boy’s cloth dirty, because of an accident He must pull his strength to flip a car. But from that event he learn that, some girl have a hidden strength.
For those who haven’t watched the first episode, a N-3 bomb — a bomb stronger than the atomic bomb — dropped on the Angel. This flips the car over. As usual, amazing skimming,
Now, they has arrive at Nerv Headquarter.
Can I has a grape plz?
“Haaah, I still had credits for that cars, I hope NERV has Insurance, I’m sorry Shinji for the Inconvenient. I don’t expect they use N4 bomb,” She say, but the air has change, now every word that she saying become heavier and heavier.
Misato, why do you speak like an American blonde in shopping districts? You are one of the coolest characters. Why have you become Hiltonian? “Shinji for the Incovenient” is not something normal humans speak except to look smarter.
But the air “has change” and her every words is becoming “heavier and heavier” so I’m probably whining too much. Air pressure does a lot of things to your lungs (and brain).
The two intrepid heroes enter a lift; Ritsuko enters into the same lift, just like in the anime.
From his name tag Shinji read his name “Ritsuko Akagi.”
Ritsuko is a trap?!
This woman then speak to Captain Misato. “So this is the Boy?”
Pronouns are like overrated, man! I don’t mind Misato being suddenly called “Captain Misato”; she is after all a bodacious space pirate. The writer, it seems, love Boys a tad too much.
Misato nod. That nod is followed by analytical glance by the Doctoress, she look him from top to bottom.
Only doctoress can do analytical glances (i.e. “look him from top to bottom”)
It make Shinji feel discomfort.
Eh, I’m pretty sure Shinji is bisexual. Or at least bicurious.
She then say, “I guess we must try synchronization immediately”
“I think soo, Shinji Welcome to NERV…” Misto open a big door in front of her.
Oh, her name is actually “Misto”. Ha, I figured Misato will never have joined this fanfic.
Shinji became more amazed by this facility. Before he enter this chamber, he has see lot of amazing scenery. Now she is faced by a giant head of a kind of robot, but he not sure. His face was demonic and scary. Colored purple with horn in his head.
Translation: Shinji, who has changed his sex, sees a giant unicorn, known as Eva-01. It is also Twilight Sparkle. Anyone who knows Eva is banging their head right now.
This is so bad.
Shinji wonders if Eva-01 is a machine or animal because it looks too similar to the latter. A “lot of staf” runs around the chamber. Misato must also “listen to the condition on the field”. Shinji, who can’t hold his curiosity any longer, must ask what is the giant purple unicorn.
“This is The Evangelion,” Misato explains “Humankind greatest weapon.”
Humankind greatest weapon: The Evangelion. Screwing grammar since the Second Impact.
The heartbeat in Shinji crest increase, something scary emerge in Shinji’s mind. He look around. In the big screen, there are giant monster, marching toward city. He destroy everything in his way.
And Sachiel is only one angel, dear. Sachiel should also be referred as “it”.
“That is Angel, our enemy. You will pilot this thing, you must get ready for preparation.”
Shit got serious.
Fear controls his mind. He is normal boy after all.
No, he’s not. Shinji has changed his gender too many times.
Boy’s heartbeat getting stronger and stronger. He start to feel scared. And suddenly he see it. He see somebody, standing in the bridge up above. A man with cold look and dark glasses, he watching from afar. He even don’t bother to greet his son.
Finally, Gendo appears. For those who haven’t watched the work, Gendo is Shinji’s loving father.
So it is the only reason why he called here, to be a machine, a weapon. To be a thing that can be used. He don’t want to die. Not this way.
The angst is derided by perfect grapes.
“I don’t want to ride this things! This is ridiculous!”
Your father is disappointed in you. “This things”? Send him home, Misto.
Misato is “displeased” and criticizes Shinji for not reading the letter thoroughly. She gives us a heartwarming speech on why he should ride The Evangelion:
“It’s not only about you, its about mankind. If you don’t want to pilot Evangelion why you here?”
I here to read terribad fanfic.
Shinji look his father. Still in silent. Clench his hand and bite tip of his lip.
LOOK AT THE ANGER
Gendo is frustrated by Shinji’s angst. He asks Misato to use the First Child as the pilot. Misato “clenches his fist” and says it is impossible. Gendo argues that there is no other option.
I’m pretty sure this is almost plagiarism. That said, I’ve read Pride and Prejudice with Zombies, the only way to read that boring Austen book. So I assume this is okay. Still, with that zombie book, you at least got some fun original stuff. With this work, the My Little Pony references are too sparse.
Few second later, a gurney with a young women lay in it push into near the Evangelion. The beautiful girl was wrapped by bandage, he look like seriously injured. He try to stand, but then fall into floor. He was try to stand but only unsteady hold to the rail. The girl looked like familiar for shinji, as if he know her long time ago. Its painfully to watch her try to pilot and fight with her condition.
Rei, the mentioned character, has a ton of gender changes and can time-travel:
- young women
- beautiful girl
- try to stand
At least the writer used the word, ‘gurney’.
Rei says she can ride The Evangelion.
“Wait, it is impossible, she can’t fight in this condition?” say Shinji.
“We don’t have option, because you don’t want to pilot Evangelion, she has too..” say the Father.
GENDO WITH ELLIPSIS SOUNDS SO WRONG
“I can,” say the woman.
Rei reaffirms she can ride. This is important.
Commander stare at Shinji, “What you can say? You don’t want to pilot Eva, just shut up and go home.”
Somehow, the writer hasn’t derailed Gendo a lot. Gendo just feels more like Nelson from The Simpsons though.
“I…” shinji lost word.
I lost word too. So much bad writing.
And then suddenly, some great shock as if earthquake happening. “The Angel attack with his Beam!” somebody scream, but it to late. A big chunk of debris fall into Shinji. He is to shocked to evade such thing. In that few second, Shinji know he will die. But then he heard voices.
Shinji is already dead if he hears voices. It’s the harps of angels that call for him.
The same voice that he heard in the dream.
Shinji looked up. The hand of Eva protecting him from debris.
“Shinji.. ” say the voice, “Don’t worry, I will guide you. You never fight alone…”
“Twi…”, Shinji automatically remember her name, the Pony in his dream,”Twilight Sparkle.”
One of my favorite works of all time: ruined by My Little Pony.
- Get a better premise.
- Stop changing your character’s genders.
- Have better grammar.
- My Little Pony is not a great crossover idea with anything.